thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
