Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
