i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
