dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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