What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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