Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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