god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
