Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
