when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
