His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
