You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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