just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
