kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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