i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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