Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
