I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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