hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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