My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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