FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
whose parrot is this?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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