Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
