so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
