They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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