i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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