8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
