Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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