Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
