I cockslap morals
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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