After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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