Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
