Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
