dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
