why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
