Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
