Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His nipple licking is glorious
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