i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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