Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize