wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So squirting runs in the family.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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