Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
