Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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