i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
