We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
