I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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