Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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