Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
