You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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