I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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