Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
