we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
