im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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