I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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