dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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