Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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