what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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