Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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