I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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