It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
