Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
