There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
