i'm signing you up for texting rehab
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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