I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he shaved USA in his pubs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
