PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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