I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
