I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
