that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
