i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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