how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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