she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
