Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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