South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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