My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
