HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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